Decade Challege

Wow! So much of life has happens in 10 years! Single no kids…. married…. first child…, divorce…. single mom…. new relationship (future husband)…. miscarriage…. married…. new (rainbow) baby…. weighing over 200+ lbs…. losing 40 overall… to today!

Crazy!!!

I can’t wait to see what the future holds!

On fumes

I’m usually full of energy and nonstop from morning to night…. thank you keto!!

Lately, I’m barely existing. I may need to re-evaluate my daily schedule and make more me-time, instead of everyone else time.

Life is busy, especially when you are a working mom, in school and have more than one child. Whew! Wake up at 530am, get home at 10pm…. and I haven’t even done all the chores or daily pickup…. let alone eat dinner.

I need to incorporate better foods to sustain my energy through the day, that’s a must!

Speaking of dinner, I better eat before I fall asleep first. Goodnight friends.

-KETOcop

Oops I Did It Again!

I can’t believe how much I have forgotten to eat lately. I wake up with every intention to eat a small breakfast when I get to work, yet never do. I try to remind myself to eat something at lunch break, yet other tasks consume my attention. Once work has completed and I handle other after work commitments, I am left with getting my children, making them dinner while I attempt to jump into something comfortable. By the time dinner is ready, I am just too exhausted to eat, or I pick at my food. Next thing you know, I’m at 600 calories or less for the entire day!

This is on repeat at least 3 days a week.

Trying to make time during such a busy day for even food has seemed like something I need to set an alarm or schedule for. I’m certain this is temporary, however the frustration is real.

How do you ensure you make time to eat when you find yourself nonstop the moment you wake up until it’s time to go to bed?

No fun food photo… just oxygen and what little I could stuff my face with before it was time to lay with the baby.

Rest easy my friends!

-KETOcop

Letting Go

Letting go sometimes requires great reasoning with yourself. Self-care and self-love requires us by default to reflect and be able to purge negativity, while at the same time cultivate positivity.

Sometimes we need to come face to face with our past and even our present in order to make sound decisions that will effect our future in a promising way. My life has been a rollercoaster for many years now, it has changed the way I see myself and how I see others. It has changed how I trust those in my life. I am not the same person I was. I am not the person I want to be. I made the decision some months back to take control back and work on my issues with my weight. At that time I did not totally give in to working on mySELF. My weight is not who I am. How I perceive this world, the actions I take, and what I take away from my experience will be the foundation for which I can transform into the person I know and want to be. I can not say that I want to go back in time to be who I was at a previous time in my life… rather, I want to improve myself and allow for more positivity to take hold of my perception of the world… and most importantly, of myself.

I know my worth. I am a flawed and damaged woman that hides behind a smile and silence…. yet I know my worth. Why do I not fight for my worth? Why am I so scared to take a leap of faith, KNOWING I have nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain?

Tonight, my heart feels lighter. I feel weight lifted and I feel more aligned with the real Meagan. I am getting to know her all over again…. I feel like that version of myself had been locked away, biding time until she could resurface and take control. I have felt her presence more and more lately while at work, in my communication and dealings with people and children. The anger has almost completely gone. The Meagan that wants to reclaim herself is longing for more love. Love for herself, love from her loved ones. She wants to feel appreciated again and that she matters. I need to show myself that I/she matters, by taking care of her/me. She… I… matter. I need to let go of this version of myself to fully give into the true version of me that deserves to take control back. I miss the love I gave to the world and I used to be able to see all the love the world had to offer.

Sometimes taking it slow and being able to be around things that make you happy or relaxed… can really make a big difference in changing those past negative behaviors and help guide you to a better place in your mind. We have to get our mind right in order to get anything else we want to change or improve in place.

Diet can be easy to control…. our mind is not so balanced. A healthy mind will in turn, help aid in a healthy body. When we can enact self care, self love and self discipline, we are limitless.

Love yourself. Allow others to love you. Give in…. Let go… You’ll be thankful you did.

-KETOcop

Figuring It Out

Tonight I am taking a night to not only make time for myself, but also to reflect on my life as a whole. I find myself missing the hell out of my kids while my husband is out of town for the night visiting his mother and visiting other family members. It is only for one night…. yet it I feel like I am somehow lost. I have not been alone without my husband or children in close to 3-4 years. That is a LONG time to not have time to yourself. I asked myself leading up to their depature what I would do with this time. I held Maddox close and kissed his little face goodbye, and the weight that fell on my heart was that of a ton. A tiredness swept over my entire body and I just gave in; I gave in to the weight I had been carrying all week, all month, all year. What was only meant to be a short nap turned into many hours. I awoke 5 1/2 hours later, confused, displaced, hazy. My nap had been longer than I had been sleeping at night. It was after 7pm. I checked my phone, something I should probably make more effort into doing as it relates to those people in my life I care about.

Now what do I do? Where do I go? I talk about self-care… I promote it…. I know how important it is. Yet, when faced with the perfect time and opportunity to truly make time for myself, I draw a blank. What would make Meagan happy right now? What would allow Meagan to relax? I walked aimlessly around the store hoping to buy organizational items for the home…. left with makeup and an energy drink. I left my phone in the car so that it could charge, but also to be disconnected. I watched and observed all kinds of people in their own personal lives as they shopped, had their family with them and watched as they let their phone disconnect them from the real world. Buried away into the screen of their phone, or attached to the side of their face. Was this what I looked like to people? Why did I keep checking my pocket for my phone? Did I do this on a regular basis and just not know it? When I got back to my car, I missed a call from my husband as well as his texts. The anxiety flooded back, the weight fell back on my shoulders and guilt set in. I allowed this device to control me again. I felt guilty for disconnecting even for a short time. I could not reach my husband as I drove home. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he was bothered by my lack of response.

I reached my house and just sat in the driveway…. asking myself, now what? I didnt get much enjoyment from shopping… shocker, I know right?! I migrated into our home and greeting my dog and cat. Sat on the couch and just stared at my phone. I began to once again scroll, type, send, scroll, type, send. Finally I placed the phone face down and slide it across the couch. As I was playing the new Borderlands 3 on XboxOne, I began to feel anxious and decided to just stop.

I tried shopping. I tried playing videogames. What can I do to relax? I began to think back to what would always calm me and I came to the answer…. Music. It has ALWAYS been music.

I ask Alexa to play Ambient Music and almost instantly, I feel the hard calloused energy start to breakdown. My eyes are closed, lights are out and as I lay in the center of my bed, I feel like I am sinking into the sheets and pillows. I feel heavy, yet lighter at the exact same time. My mind is focusing on one thing at a time, one emotion at a time. Thoughts become more fluid and tranquil.

In my next post I will explain what I have reflected on through this meditation and reflection.

Though we think we want to go all these activities we enjoy during our busy lives… sometimes just slowing down and letting go is really what our mind and body needs…. our heart as well.

What will you do in order to let go of the weight?

-KETOcop

Keto During A Hurricane

As Hurricane Dorian approaches… the idea of staying true to keto is challenging. Working in law enforcement will almost guarantee my presence throughout this natural disaster, likely to be Manning a local shelter. Everyone is quick to buy up bread and milk…. except for those who are keto…. right?

What is in my food gobag?

Spam. Cheese Crisps. Seaweed. Beef Sticks. Ketogenic Collagen Protein Powder. Water. Cloud Bread. Almonds. Macadamia Nuts.

Here’s the thing. Diet is important. Will I starve myself if no food other than a jelly sandwich is available… NO! Gimme that sandwich!

For those preparing for this Hurricane, please be vigilant, know when to evacuate. Homes can be replaced, lost lives cannot.

Prayers for the Bahamas as they are still being hammered by Hurricane Dorian.

KETOcop

Insomnia

Well, for the last week or two I have had terrible insomnia. I’ve been taking a new medication the last month and it was made a negative impact on my everyday life. I have been very moody and angry. I have also lost concentration, as well as no longer having the ability to fall asleep with ease.

The mental mood swings were so bad, my mother was concerned and asked if I had changed anything in medications or stopped anything…. she had no idea I had started a new medication over a month ago. After consulting a medical professional, I have decided to forgo the medication prescribed and go back to previous regimen.

I hate not feeling in control of myself or trapped in my own head. My work performance was deeply impacted, as I became forgetful and manageable tasks became harder to maintain. My life was crumbling right before my eyes in just 1 month.

Work. Moods. Depression. Marriage. Self-Loathing. Seclusion. Unpredictable. They were all negatively impacting my life and mental well-being…. where I was the cause of it all. It is truly amazing how one tiny pill that is designed to help could actually contribute to the exact opposite.

I have since stopped the medication and I have noticed my overall self feels lighter… less burdened. My face and skin is clearing up. My moods are leveling out. I feel as though I could sleep if I tried… this is a slow process. I’ve always been one to go to bed early since I have my children. Here I am at almost 2am awake, awaiting the 530am alarm.

I need to get back to eating properly. While on this certain medication I’ve gained 4-5 pounds and I fell victim to my old habits and cravings. Today was a positive change as I ate much better and ensured I hit my Fat goal.

Finding motivation and inspiration when you are in such a dark place, can seem next to impossible. I never stopped trying to claw my way out, in search for that light. I’m there… I’m half way out and thankful that I did not give up on myself. I feel so much stronger as a result. My failure will be embraces, so that I may learn from it and become more resistant to such stimuli and negative life occurrences.

I thank my friends, family and especially my husband for not giving up on me as well.

I will get myself back. That is a promise…. a guarantee.