Letting go sometimes requires great reasoning with yourself. Self-care and self-love requires us by default to reflect and be able to purge negativity, while at the same time cultivate positivity.
Sometimes we need to come face to face with our past and even our present in order to make sound decisions that will effect our future in a promising way. My life has been a rollercoaster for many years now, it has changed the way I see myself and how I see others. It has changed how I trust those in my life. I am not the same person I was. I am not the person I want to be. I made the decision some months back to take control back and work on my issues with my weight. At that time I did not totally give in to working on mySELF. My weight is not who I am. How I perceive this world, the actions I take, and what I take away from my experience will be the foundation for which I can transform into the person I know and want to be. I can not say that I want to go back in time to be who I was at a previous time in my life… rather, I want to improve myself and allow for more positivity to take hold of my perception of the world… and most importantly, of myself.
I know my worth. I am a flawed and damaged woman that hides behind a smile and silence…. yet I know my worth. Why do I not fight for my worth? Why am I so scared to take a leap of faith, KNOWING I have nothing to lose, and EVERYTHING to gain?
Tonight, my heart feels lighter. I feel weight lifted and I feel more aligned with the real Meagan. I am getting to know her all over again…. I feel like that version of myself had been locked away, biding time until she could resurface and take control. I have felt her presence more and more lately while at work, in my communication and dealings with people and children. The anger has almost completely gone. The Meagan that wants to reclaim herself is longing for more love. Love for herself, love from her loved ones. She wants to feel appreciated again and that she matters. I need to show myself that I/she matters, by taking care of her/me. She… I… matter. I need to let go of this version of myself to fully give into the true version of me that deserves to take control back. I miss the love I gave to the world and I used to be able to see all the love the world had to offer.
Sometimes taking it slow and being able to be around things that make you happy or relaxed… can really make a big difference in changing those past negative behaviors and help guide you to a better place in your mind. We have to get our mind right in order to get anything else we want to change or improve in place.
Diet can be easy to control…. our mind is not so balanced. A healthy mind will in turn, help aid in a healthy body. When we can enact self care, self love and self discipline, we are limitless.
Love yourself. Allow others to love you. Give in…. Let go… You’ll be thankful you did.